Articles by Kamariagr

Messy Monday: Black People, Is We Good?

Hey y’all and welcome back to another episode of Messy Mondays, where I expose myself for the sake of relatability. And yes… I’m doing the dishes again. 🧼

Here’s the thing about dishes: no matter how many times I wash, rinse, repeat, the sink always fills back up. Somebody always comes and eats, makes a mess, and then leaves it for me to clean.

And honestly? That’s how I’ve been feeling about us as a people lately. We keep setting the table, cooking up the culture, letting folks come in and eat off our plate and when they’re done, they leave us with the dirty work. We keep washing and scrubbing, but the cycle never ends.

So, since I’m already elbow-deep in suds, let’s wash through this mess together.

🍳 Culture in the Frying Pan

I don’t know if y’all feel it too, but something about this current cultural moment feels… overdone. Between our c list talent celebrity culture, our obsession with “getting the bag,” and our blind acceptance of whatever “representation” is thrown our way, it feels like we’re fan dancing straight into extinction.

Look at who and what we’re uplifting. Summer Walker and her aging “arm candy” , GloRilla’s and Meg Thee Stallion’s constant barrage of fast food flings and bottom shelf booze, Simone Biles and Serena Williams fronting for GLP-1 weight-loss meds. These are not just random endorsements or personal choices they are signals. They carry a message. They are shaping what we normalize. And our default reaction has become: “Well, sis get that check.” Period. No critical thought, no pause, no bigger questions asked.

And then, of course, there’s Beyoncé sitting at a table with Ivanka Trump like it’s nothing. A perfect example of class solidarity trumping race solidarity. It’s no longer about “one of us making it,” it’s about the rich preserving their own elite table, while the rest of us are left begging for crumbs. And we, the people, applaud it instead of questioning it.

And then you turn on Zeus Network, where the hottest shows are Chrisean Rock and Blueface fistfighting their way through “love.” We consume it, laugh at it, meme it, and hand over our streaming dollars. Meanwhile, black family shows, black network television, and even commercials that used to spotlight strong black households have all but disappeared.

The only time you really see a black couple or black family unit these days, it’s toxic, dramatic, or dysfunctional. Positive representation has been watered down until it’s barely visible and somehow, we’ve just… accepted it.

🏚️ Where Did the Black Family Go?

Let me be clear: interracial families deserve space and representation. They’re real. They’re beautiful. But let’s not confuse them with being the only face of progress. An interracial family is not the same thing as a black family, just like it isn’t the same thing as a chinese or latino family. Every group deserves to see itself reflected whole.

Yet over and over, we’re shown that the black family, the healthy, thriving, intact Black unit is either nonexistent, toxic, or expendable. And slowly, quietly, we’re being written out of the script.

🎭 Assimilation as Entertainment

This isn’t just about celebrity antics or TV programming, it’s about how we’re trained to pander and perform. We’ve normalized assimilation so deeply that we don’t even notice when we’re laughing at our own erasure. From “inviting everyone to the cookout” for the bare minimum, to celebrating white creators who mimic our dances better than we can market them ourselves, we’re trading exclusivity for acceptance.

And yes, Christianity plays a role here too. Let’s be honest, Christianity was one of the primary tools used to enslave us, and today it still feels like it’s enslaving our mindset. Too often it becomes a crutch: an excuse to forgive racism, to excuse assimilation, to accept scraps with the logic that “God will provide.” But is He providing, or are we just pacifying ourselves while whiteness keeps its foot on our neck?

We can’t keep using faith as a reason to excuse foolishness. Christianity has long been the anchor holding us down when we needed sails to move forward.

🌆 The Macro Meets the Local

And it’s not just celebrity culture or Christianity, it’s spilling over into how we see ourselves in real life.

Take Detroit, for example. Folks are quick to praise our white mayor as though he single-handedly brought the city back to life. Sure, development is happening. But underneath it, 34% of Detroit residents live in poverty the highest since 2017 and nearly 50% of adults are functionally illiterate.

How do we reconcile that? Why are we so quick to believe that whiteness equals improvement, that only white leadership can “save us”? Have we forgotten our own capacity to build, organize, and innovate for ourselves? Detroit was built on black labor, black artistry, black survival. Yet too often the narrative is shaped to forget that.

And it’s not just the politicians. Even some of our own Detroit influencers are embarrassing us. I saw a recent thread where one of them argued Detroit doesn’t need a public transit system, that the 40% of riders who depend on it are just “broke”. Imagine saying that in a majority-black city where systemic racism has shaped every layer of infrastructure and access. People like this should not have platforms. They should not be getting brand deals. And let’s be real a lot of these “Detroit” influencers don’t even live in the city. Black people scared of being around folks who look just like them.

🪞 Fan Dancing Into Forgetfulness

Here’s the truth that’s hard to swallow: we are assimilating into extinction. We are intermingling into invisibility. We’ve been so focused on “getting the bag,” chasing the spotlight, or aligning ourselves with whiteness that we’ve forgotten how to stand together with exclusivity and intention.

And I’m not saying this to stir up division. I’m saying it because we deserve to exist. For ourselves. Not as commodities. Not as clout for corporations. Not as sidekicks or spectacles. We deserve to exist in our fullness, in our families, our culture, our media, THE future.

Right now, too much of what we’re celebrating is embarrassing. It’s crumbs. It’s distraction. It’s erosion. And if we don’t wake up, we’ll look up one day and realize we’ve erased ourselves.

❓Black People, Is We Good?

So I’m asking again, black people: are we good? Because it feels like no matter how much we wash, rinse, repeat the sink just keeps filling back up. But here’s the thing: I’m not scrubbing away at the same dirty dishes forever. At some point, we gotta stop cleaning up their mess and start flipping the whole table.

Messy Mondays: Make Caring Cool Again 💕

Messy Mondays, but make it civic. Because I love this city, and I want to feel like it loves me back.

🧱 The Fence Fiasco (aka: why I’m mad)

I reached out to my councilman. I sent emails. I made phone calls. A supervisor even came out to my property. And it still feels like nobody in the department gave a shit.

Here’s the mess: I called the Department of Blight about the abandoned property directly behind me because there were squatters doing illegal activity, and I couldn’t access the side lotI PAID FOR to clean it up. The city came to “clean” the lot… and tore down part of my fence in the process.

I called for help. I didn’t expect my property to get damaged. That’s some bullshit.

🧊 The Bureaucratic Brush-Off

When I asked for accountability, the Department of Demolition & Construction sent a supervisor and a small team. They barely looked at me, barely spoke to me. I’m upset (not yelling just upset), expecting a solution. Instead I’m told:

  • It’s not their problem.
  • There’s “no distinct property line” on some weird map on a computer, so somehow the city “technically” owns where my fence was.
  • “Aren’t you glad the property got cleaned up?” (It was still dirty 😒)
  • The vibe was basically: Oh well, bitch your fault for wanting good in the hood.

On top of that, the supervisor doesn’t even live here. And yes, she was black and still, the care just wasn’t there. I don’t want anyone to lose their job. I don’t want to sound like I’m « snitching » but these are people in charge of departments and peoples homes are their lives.

🧩 Why This Isn’t “Just a Fence”

So many of us are living paycheck to paycheck, me included. Most millennials don’t have a savings account big enough to fix something like this. And we shouldn’t have to come out of pocket to fix damage the city caused.

I get that the job is hard. I get that residents can be challenging. Everybody’s job is challenging at some point but the level of apathy I keep running into is unreal. It looks and feels like recklessness and negligence, rushing to get a job done quickly, and then refusing to admit a mistake. No apology. No care. It’s just “not our problem.”

🗂️ Departments, Dynamics & Doing the Damn Job

I’m not asking for “social-emotional training” that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying care. Care when you come out to assess. Care when you explain a map. Care enough not to bulldoze my fence because it’s faster than actually picking up trash. Care enough to apologize when you mess up. Care enough to treat residents like people, not problems.

And it makes me wonder:

  • Who is hiring these people?
  • Why are the requirements so low for jobs that impact our homes and safety?
  • Why does it feel like I’m bothering you for asking you to do your job?

🗑️ From Trash to Truth (the bigger picture)

This isn’t my first call, complaint, or court date. I keep bumping into the same attitude across departments: apathy. Shrugs. Eye rolls. Like the city’s default is to deflect instead of fix.

This, to me, highlights a larger issue in our political climate. People are disappointed in leadership for a reason. Micro issues like this point straight to the macro. If you put people in charge who don’t give a shit, that attitude trickles down into departments, policies, and neighborhoods.

📣 Influencers, Listen Up (yes, I said it 👀)

When you put people in charge who don’t give a shit, that attitude trickles down. It seeps into departments, into policies, into neighborhoods. And honestly? That’s on us too, our Detroit.

Because a part of the problem is right here at home: Detroit influencers. Too many are more focused on curating content for tourists than speaking directly to the people who live here. And I’m not pulling that from nowhere shoutout to Chrissy (Socially Chrissy), who said it plain. She actually cares about the city and the residents, not just the optics.

⚖️ Where’s the Balance?

The balance is off. Too many influencers are chasing aesthetics, luxury, and clicks, while our neighborhoods are left without advocates. We need to be talking to the residents, the folks planted here, not just the people passing through.

👉🏽 And that’s where critical thinking comes in. We need to ask: Who are we centering? Who are we serving? It can’t just be about vibes, parties, and photo ops. It has to also be about policies, paychecks, potholes, and thr people.

🗳️ Elections Are Coming

We should be using our platforms to bring awareness, to get folks mobilized, to remind people that local elections matter just as much as presidential ones. Because elections are coming up, governor, mayor, city leadership and if we don’t start using our influence to actually influence change, then what are we even doing?

We need to care about who’s running, who’s funding them, and who they’re beholden to. Not corporations, not developers, but us the residents. Because when we demand accountability, empathy, and honesty at the top, it doesn’t just stop there it trickles down. It shapes how departments treat us, how policies are written, and how neighborhoods either thrive or get left behind.

🌱 Make Caring Cool Again 🌱

At the end of the day, this is bigger than one fence, one property, or even one department messing up. This is about a culture of apathy that has seeped too deep into our city and the need to flip that culture on its head.

It should be cool to care again. Cool to pour into your neighborhood. Cool to demand better from your city. Cool to balance joy with justice.

Influencers, residents, city workers, politicians, everybody. We all have a role. Because when caring becomes contagious, communities change. And Detroit deserves that.

Messy Mondays: Bingeing, Brainrot, and Bad Vibes📺🧠

The Influence of Algorithms and Opinions 

Lately, I’ve been noticing something that feels…off. Social media, TV, and advertising are shaping our minds in ways that aren’t always obvious. Take Netflix’s K-Pop Demon Hunters, no shade to the movie, but personally, I could not get into it. I tried on three different occasions. The storyline didn’t grab me, the music didn’t stick. Yet everywhere I looked, I saw reels, articles, and posts praising it, talking about how it was basically the best thing to hit the music scene since Beyonce.

And when someone asked me about it in conversation, I found myself saying I enjoyed it even though I didn’t. Its not like I wanted to avoid the back-and-forth, the defense, the “why don’t you like it?” stuff. It was just the first thing to pop into my brain😬. My actual opinion had been overruled by what social media told me I should think. And it’s happening all the time, in both small and large ways.

Social media and the Internet are designed to pummel our brains, our serotonin and dopamine levels, with repeated opinions over and over. Even when we try to block, restrict, or ignore content, the algorithm still pushes similar posts. I’m very strict with my algorithm. My block button is busy baby, but even content I’ve never engaged with finds a way back in. And it isn’t just about repetition. It’s about shaping our thinking, slowly, subtly, and relentlessly.

Half-Baked Thoughts Everywhere 🍰🤯

Influencers play a big role in this. Too often, they post content that is shallow, click-baitey, or designed to inflame rather than educate. People aren’t reading, thinking, or analyzing; they’re parroting half-baked thoughts. And those half-baked thoughts get repeated. Before you know it, we have too many people whose thinking is shallow, whose opinions are surface-level, and who don’t critically evaluate what they’re consuming.

This isn’t just about memes or TikToks. This is the same problem on Twitter, on Threads, in Instagram posts, broad, sweeping statements with zero nuance. Big influencers, small influencers, local influencers none of them seem to be thinking about the impact of what they post, only the increase in their bank account.

When people accept those half-baked ideas as their own, it multiplies. We end up with groups of people incapable of critical thought, repeating incomplete ideas, and spreading them further. And if we can’t think critically as a society, how can we move forward collectively?

Children’s Media: Short Attention Spans, Shallow Content 

The problem extends to children’s TV as well. I’ve monitored Cozi’s screen time carefully, letting her watch shows like Paw Patrol and Gabby’s Dollhouse. At first, it seemed harmless. But the more I observed, the more I noticed that episodes are shorter, and the shows are endlessly franchised with variations of the same show.

This isn’t fostering imagination or critical thinking. It’s training attention spans to be short and creating distraction for distraction’s sake. Our children are consuming content that doesn’t challenge them, doesn’t provoke thought, and doesn’t encourage meaningful conversation.

I want TV that my child can watch and then talk about with me content that sparks curiosity, builds memory, and teaches problem-solving. Not shows designed to babysit. When I grew up, shows like Crash Box or Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales for Every Child had nuance, imagination, and care. That kind of thoughtful, complex programming is disappearing, replaced by franchise expansion and profit-driven decisions 💸.

Adult Entertainment and Cultural Impact 🎭📉

This trend stretches beyond kids television. Black adult entertainment, particularly on platforms like Zeus Network, has become increasingly vulgar, lowbrow, and raunchy. Black and white celebrity content alike suffers from sensationalism, stereotypes, and glorification of low vibrational lifestyles but I am noticing a purposeful and rapid shift in terms of black entertainment.

Shows that once had intentionality like The Cosby Show (say what you will), which included guidance from psychologists to ensure storylines portrayed healthy interactions and moral lessons centered around an African American family are rare today. What we’re seeing now are shows filled with toxic relationships, unexamined privilege, and low-quality storytelling, lacking the care and intentionality that once made programming meaningful and impactful.

Influencers mirror this trend. Many glorify partying, substance use, and shallow lifestyles without engaging in civic action, community building, or thoughtful discussion. The content they produce isn’t neutral it’s shaping perceptions, influencing children, and creating norms.

Raising Standards and Protecting Minds 

So what can we do? First, we need to become intentional about what we consume. Who produces the media? Who owns the shows and networks? What values are being promoted? Which influencers do we follow, and are they modeling behavior we want our children to emulate? Are they modeling lifestyles that negatively impact the greater good?

We have to demand more for ourselves and for the younger generation. Accepting the status quo, the half-baked thoughts, shallow programming, and algorithmic manipulation guarantees we remain intellectually stagnant and reduces the quality of life for ourselves and our children.

Before you retweet, repost, or let a child watch a show, pause. Ask: does this content align with my values? Is it creating a better, smarter, more thoughtful world?

💡 Closing Thought

Messy Mondays isn’t just about cleaning the house, it’s about thinking critically, choosing intentionally, and shaping the environment around us. Social media and TV are powerful, and the messages we allow into our homes matter. Half-baked thoughts don’t have to become our half-baked lives. Let’s raise our standards, protect our minds, and demand better for the children, communities, and culture we care about 🌱

Messy Monday

My House Was Dirty and So Was My Truth…

Losing My Rhythm

If you’ve followed along with my Messy Monday series, you know I spend a lot of time cleaning, or at least trying to clean. The truth is, the rooms rarely get fully clean. That’s why it turned into Messy Makeover Mondays because even when I dedicated time to tidying up, the house always seems one step away from chaos.

This summer, it hit me harder than ever. I felt like I had lost all of my feminine wiles the part of me that once took pride in cooking from scratch, deep-cleaning my apartment, and making my space beautiful. In my twenties, those tasks didn’t feel like chores, they felt like a rhythm. But life shifted: parenthood, business ownership, the daily grind. Slowly, cooking and cleaning slid off my plate, and by this summer, I had lost all motivation.

The Cleaner’s Question

My partner thankfully picked up the slack with meals, but the cleaning? That fell into a void. The house became embarrassingly dirty a reality I didn’t even see clearly until we made the decision to hire a professional cleaner.

When she came for the walkthrough, she opened every cabinet, checked every corner, and then asked me point blank if the house had ever been cleaned. Not professionally … ever. At first, I thought it was a language barrier. But no, she meant what she said.

And listen, my ego was bruised. It felt invasive and judgmental. But once she left, I had to admit: she wasn’t wrong. Friends and family often reassure you with “It’s fine, everyone’s busy,” but sometimes you need someone to tell you the truth.

Choosing Honesty Over Comfort

That moment reminded me that discipline matters. Not as a way to chase perfection, but as a way to reclaim peace in my home and in myself. So we decided to hire her. Because if she can boldly call the house dirty, she can boldly clean it too. I don’t need someone to sugarcoat my mess I need someone willing to tackle it head-on.

A Diagnosis and a Reflection

On a deeper level, this experience brought me face-to-face with my recent ADHD diagnosis. Growing up, my mom had piles of things everywhere, and now I see myself repeating that same pattern. I don’t blame my mom not at all. She was present and active, and that mattered so much more than whether the house was spotless or if dinner came from scratch. I have a sneaking suspicion that she may have also lived with things that went undiagnosed for years.

But the way I operate is different: I need a clean house in order to think clearly, create, and function. Being a content creator, a mother, and a business owner requires mental clarity, and when the house is in chaos, I feel like I can’t show up fully.

Making Space for Help

I also recognize the difference in our circumstances. My parents couldn’t have afforded a cleaner they were raising three children. My mom had three kids by 33; I have one. And even though my partner and I are in a dual-income household, it’s still a very tight stretch. But we CAN make it work.

If that means I give up my fancy yoga classes and take yoga at the community center, then that’s what I have to do. If that means canceling Netflix, Hulu, and basically giving up TV altogether so that we can redirect those funds toward a cleaner, then that’s what we’ll do. Peace in our home is worth it.

Mourning & Growing

I think part of why this decision carries so much weight for me is because I mourn a little bit for past versions of myself. The Kamaria who thrived on routines, who leaned on systems that kept her organized even before she knew about her diagnosis.

Motherhood and entrepreneurship have transformed me in ways I love, I’m grateful for the woman I’ve grown into, but I also grieve the version of me who found joy in things I’ve lately let slide.

ADHD and Accountability

And while ADHD, autism, anxiety, and all the other mental health factors that so many of us live with are major life factors, I don’t believe they should be life preventers.

I didn’t even want to share my ADHD diagnosis at first, because I didn’t want to fall into the pattern I sometimes see: where a diagnosis becomes an excuse for every quirk, shortcoming, or frustration. For me, ADHD makes organization harder, but not impossible. That means it’s my responsibility to create systems and routines that make sense for my brain, and to stop doing the things that heighten my disorganization … like smoking on the weekends, even if it helps me calm down.

The truth is, we’re all carrying something. At this point, everyone is navigating mental health challenges, and no pill or label is going to fix our lives for us. It’s on us to find what works, take accountability, and keep moving.

Full Circle to Messy Mondays

So while hiring a cleaner feels like a privilege, because it is, it’s also a choice I’m making to support my family, my peace, and my creativity. It’s one of the ways I’m saying to myself: you don’t have to do everything alone. You can ask for help, you can build systems, and you can find your way back to balance.

And maybe this is what Messy Mondays has been about all along. Not just me standing at the sink or folding laundry, but being honest about the messiness of life the routines we lose, the versions of ourselves we grieve, the diagnoses we wrestle with, and the help we sometimes need to ask for.

Hiring a cleaner doesn’t mean I’ve failed at keeping house; it means I’m giving myself permission to reclaim peace, discipline, and joy in a way that actually works for my life right now. And if sharing that helps someone else feel less ashamed of their own mess then maybe this messy Monday is the cleanest one yet.

🚲 Three Months with the Tern GSD

When My Car Died in the Snow…

Back in January, right in the middle of a Michigan snowstorm, my car broke down. And not like oh-I’ll-get-it-towed-tomorrow broke down. I had just put $2,000 into it for another issue the week before. So when it went out again? I was done. I didn’t have the money to fix it again, and honestly, I had already poured so much into that car over the years that I couldn’t justify one more cent.

I was feeling really stuck until I saw someone I admired doing something different.

✨ Shoutout to Christina for the Inspiration

If you don’t know @sociallychrissy, you should. She’s a Detroit powerhouse with her own social media company, and she’s living car-free with a daughter, getting around the city on her electric bike like it’s nothing.

Watching her document everyday life on her bike like riding solo, taking her daughter along, running errands in the cold was the push I needed. She made it look not just possible, but joyful. And that’s when I started digging.

The Search Begins: Cargo Bikes, Buckets & Budget Talks

I started looking at the brand Christina uses, Aventon, and from there stumbled into the beautiful but expensive world of cargo bikes.

  • Urban Arrow was my top pick at first. Sleek, heavy-duty, but also $10,000. Is it worth it? Yes. In my budget? No.
  • Bunch Bikes almost had me. The company was kind, informative, and super family-focused. But after talking with them, I realized the bucket style wasn’t quite right for us. If I had more than one kid, maybe. But it felt like too much bike for our needs.

What I Actually Needed in a Bike

I needed something:

  • That could handle narrow streets and alleys
  • That didn’t feel like a tank in traffic
  • That could ride over cracked sidewalks, gravel, broken glass, and yes even help me outrun loose dogs
  • That was tough, nimble, and fast

And that’s what led me to Tern.

Why the Tern GSD Was the Right Fit

Tern is a well-known company, especially big in the e-bike space. I reached out, got great support from their rep, and after learning more about the specs and options, I was all in.

We decided on the Tern GSD2, made the call in February, and got it mid-March.

Three Months In: I’m in LOVE

Let me just say it:

As an outdoor girl who gardens and homesteads, this bike is everything. It brought me back to my early 20s when I lived in Midtown and biked everywhere—except this time I’m a mom, and I have an electric motor helping me up the hills.

PROS: The Real-World Joys

  • Freedom & Fresh Air

    I forgot how much joy there is in not being boxed in. With the Tern, I’m fully outside and I feel that in the best way.
  • Commute Cut in Half

    My ride used to be 1 hour uphill on a regular bike. Now it’s 28 minutes, with ease.
  • Child-Friendly Design

    Cozi rides on the back, safely and happily. The weight balance is so good, I barely feel her back there.
  • Cargo Space Galore

    The pannier market bags? GAME CHANGERS. I’ve hauled trees, groceries, tools you name it.
  • Neighborhood Discovery

    I’ve seen more of my own neighborhood in the past three months than I have in years. Cozi and I are spotting parks, chatting mid-ride, and having mini adventures every day.

Technical Specs You Should Know

Here’s what you’re getting with the Tern GSD S10 (2025 model): (For clarification: I personally ride the Tern GSD Gen 2, but I’m highlighting the newest S10 model here so you can see what the latest version offersbecause if the Gen 2 is this good… 👀)

  • Bosch Cargo Line Motor with 85 Nm torque and 400% pedal assist
  • Max speed: 20 mph (32 km/h)
  • 10-speed Shimano drivetrain
  • Fits riders 4’11” – 6’5” (adjustable for Dakarai too!)
  • Dual-battery option for up to 128 miles of range
  • Heavy-duty Atlas kickstand (stable even with kids onboard)
  • Magura hydraulic disc brakes for quick stops
  • Puncture-resistant tires built for urban streets (yes even glass)

CONS: The Things That Take Adjusting

  • Too Much Open Air

    I’m used to car doors and windshields. Sometimes, it feels like too much exposure.
  • Slippery on Wet Grass

    If I have to ride over a lawn (construction detours, etc.), the bike gets unstable fast.
  • Heavy When Stopped

    Fully loaded, it’s a beast. One time I had two kids on the back, and I almost tipped trying to stop short. (Note to self: upper body workout.)
  • Lots of Gear Required

    Just like a car, the startup costs add up: locks, helmets, batteries, bungee cords, rain gear, etc.
  • Takes Time to Set Up

    Between charging the battery, packing the panniers, adjusting the seat and prepping Cozi it’s not a just-hop-on-and-go ride.

👧🏽 Cozi’s POV

  • Loves the wind, the views, the chit-chat
  • Has learned so much just from observing the world on two wheels
  • Thinks the bike is cooler than the car and honestly, I might agree

🙌🏽 Final Word

I’m three months in, and I truly recommend the Tern GSD to anyone, especially moms in the city.

It’s fast, beautiful, tough, and surprisingly intuitive. It makes me feel connected to the city in a way I hadn’t expected. I feel free. And I’m getting stronger every day.

Big thanks to Tern and the team at Human Electric Hybrids for setting us up.

Next up: we’ll see how it does in Detroit winter. But for now? I’m sold.

On Stillness, Disappointment, and Returning to Community

Dear friends,

I’ve been off Instagram for about two weeks now. Realizing it’s already been that long honestly surprised me time has passed so quickly, and yet, I didn’t even notice.

The truth is, it’s not that I needed a break from content creating. It’s more that I haven’t been able to wrap my head around it at all. I’ve been consumed, overwhelmed, and paralyzed by what’s happening around the world. Doomscrolling became my main activity trying to prepare myself mentally for the next collapse, taking in too much, and holding it all in my body. I lost track of time.

It feels like I’ve been hunkered down, waiting for the other shoe to drop not just for the past few weeks, but for years. Since the Trump presidency began, really. I’ve been mentally bunkered, even while living this beautiful life I’ve built and dreamed of.

But I haven’t been able to fully enjoy or appreciate that life, because I’ve been trapped inside my mind living as if the world has already ended.

In these two weeks away from posting, I also noticed I haven’t really been outside. I’ve gone to the grocery store. I’ve done my routines. I got my hair done. But I’ve seen my friends less and less. I’ve seen the people I care about less and less. I haven’t made the effort, and the time has just… gone.

And here’s the part I’m not proud of: I stopped building community because I felt disappointed in my community.

Seeing people I’ve worked with, admired, collaborated with watching their silence, or their indifference, or the way they treat politics like something optional has felt like betrayal. I’ve felt so disillusioned by people’s refusal to engage, to vote, to even care in any consistent, grounded way.

And in that betrayal, I completely withdrew.

I forgot that community isn’t just about being with people you agree with. It’s about staying with people through tension. Through misalignment. Through imperfection.

But instead, I locked myself away.

And the longer I stayed locked away, the harder it became to trust people again. Even those closest to me. That mistrust began to shape the way I move, the way I think, the way I show up (or don’t). It’s a kind of self-inflicted imprisonment. And I want out.

To free myself, I know there are some things I need to shed certain identities, expectations, even ego. I need to become a student again.

So while the community garden is still happening this year, my focus is shifting. I want to show up elsewhere to other farms, other spaces. To listen. To learn. To rebuild trust not just in others, but in myself.

Because I can’t do this alone. I don’t want to do this alone.

I’m not trying to reinvent myself or start over. I just needed to say this out loud. To be honest for a second.

Thanks for reading. That’s all for now.

-Kamaria

Pump, Pump, Pass…

Hey y’all,

Baby Cozi has arrived and it has been a whirlwind of diaper changings, bottle cleanings, fall-asleep feedings, and pumping. I would love to chat about the whole of it all but I want to dedicate this entry to my journey with the pump because I know there are a lot of moms struggling just like I was/am. For the first few weeks of her life, I was exclusively pumping because for the life of me I just couldn’t get her to latch. I started out using the Medela breast pump during our hospital stay but I was barely producing any colostrum. I got maybe a couple of drops after every twenty-minute pump, it wasn’t enough to sustain my baby so I felt defeated right out the gate. Our hospital stay was lovely (the staff and lactation consultant were wonderful) but incredibly stressful because I was doubting my ability to feed my baby. Her glucose was low, I was producing barely any colostrum and there was concern she would have to be moved to the NICU. I really didn’t want my baby to formula feed but out of fear of further hospitalization I conceded to the nurses advice and supplemented her feeding. I was happy to have my baby fed but there was a part of me that felt less than because I wanted to breastfeed so badly. I gave latching a few more tries before we were discharged but found little to no success on my own. When the lactation consultant visited for the last time we were able to get Cozi on my breast but I was not confident in my skills to pull it off without help. Not to mention the fact that I felt like the weight of my breast on her chest was crushing her so that added an extra deterrent. 

Once we got her home we continued to supplement her feeding with the formula the hospital gave us while I impateintly waited for my colostrum to increase. It took a couple of days before I even began producing (which is so dumb because how is that helpful) I was discouraged and angry at my body for not doing the very thing I needed it to do. I kept at it though I was using my Lansinoh pump every two hours trying to draw out colostrum and on the third day I had pumped an entire ounce of the liquid gold. I was ecstatic that I could finally rid myself of formula. There is nothing wrong with formula but it is just not how I envisioned feeding my child #crunchymom. I kept to a schedule of pumping every two hours and I was producing a ton of colostrum enough to store at least a bottle ahead in the fridge. My production was going strong for about two weeks so I decided to “take a night off” and didn’t pump through the night I just slept while Dakarai took care of her night feedings. When I woke up in the morning my breasts were extremely swollen so I immediately had to pump but I noticed a dramatic decrease in my production after that night. I learned the hard way to NEVER TAKE TIME OFF FROM PUMPING UNTIL YOUR MILK IS FULLY ESTABLISHED which takes almost 12 weeks! But when I tell y’all I needed that night of sleep, I was so tired and just tired of pumping in general. The night pumping was completely wiping me out and there are several times when I actually fell asleep while holding the flanges up to my breast. 

If I can be honest I hated pumping, I hated being tied to one spot for hours out of my day, I hated the wires and cords, I hated holding those dumb cups up to my chest, and I absolutely loathed the amount of time I spent cleaning my pump parts. And with my production decreasing my hatred only grew because now I had to introduce power pumping into my schedule. For those who don’t know power pumping is when you pump for twenty minutes, take a ten minute rest, and then pump for ten minutes within the span of an hour. All in all you end up pumping for thirty minutes and its pretty intense. I was power pumping twice a day, stuffing myself with all the foods recommended to increase supply, drinking herbal teas, and self expressing desperately. It was miserable and it didnt work I ended up having to return to formula to supplement because my milk just wasn’t there and my baby was only getting hungrier. 

My sister was also attempting to breast feed (we had our babies two weeks apart) and ran into the same wall as I did. She eventually chose to formula feed and passed on her hands free pump to me. I was at my wits end with my Lansinoh because as my milk slowly returned (my breasts were becoming swollen again) the pump just wasn’t emptying them. I tried everything from new duck bills to flanges, I bought three different sizes and nothing worked. I was beginning to think it was me until the first time I used the new pump. Before I was struggling to make 2 ounces and that is both breasts combined but suddenly I was getting 4 ounces out of my right breast. It was like the veil had finally lifted and I could see the light! I started exclusively using the other pump and it drastically changed my view on pumping because I was no longer tied down. It still took up a better portion of my day but at least I had the option to do other things.

I was excited to be producing the correct amount so my confidence was up and with this new found hubris I decided to try latching again. And wouldn’t you know it, we got a latch! I was actually breastfeeding my baby and it felt so good. After almost a month of trials and tribulations I was breastfeeding my baby. I exclusively breastfed for the next few days but began lactating at times that she wasn’t feeding so I went back to pumping to contain the extra. I am not at a point where I have freezer stock so don’t be discouraged but I am able to have a bottle ready in case she doesn’t want to latch, which still happens or in case my nipples need a break. I am still pumping more than I nurse because she falls asleep more often when nursing and can sometimes be a lazy latcher. It is definitely a work in progress but this is my journey and I am proud of both of us for making it through. 

Feeding your child mothers milk is demanding, frustrating, and time consuming but those peaceful moments of just you and baby make it all worthwhile. If it’s tough I encourage you to keep trying every journey to nurse looks differently and it is hard when you don’t have the right support. Lactation consultants should be free and materniy leave should be longer so I understand if nursing just isnt for you. I know the only reason I have been able to keep this up is because I had the luxury of deciding how long I wanted to be out of work and have a partner at home to help with everything else. I hope me sharing my story has helped you to keep on trucking or at the very least let you know youre not alone. However you choose to feed your baby you are doing an amazing job and I am so proud of you.

Making Money on Social Media

Hey y’all,

Social media platforms have become so important by way of sharing your passions and connecting with likeminded people all across the world. I find it truly a blessing to be apart of the generation using technology to its full advantage and that includes getting paid for your work. A lot of people have the viewpoint that influencing isn’t a job and therefore should be unpaid but I disagree. Monetization (the action or process of earning revenue from an asset, business, etc.) isn’t the goal for every social media user and that’s perfectly fine but for the folks who are putting in hours of content making I think its fair that they expect compensation for their work. Sharing a photo or a funny video may seem easy from the outside looking in but any dedicated content creator knows that getting those things just right takes time and effort, similar to a full time job. Depending on what type of content you’re delivering on your page there are several different steps that fold into sharing that photo or video. There is the clean up before and after the shoot, the staging of the piece or persons, set design, hair and makeup, directing, editing, creative writing, the list goes on. Add into that equation another party like a sponsorship for a brand and there’s email communication, contracts, administrative work, and approval from a team, all of this can eat up a big chunk of your time which to me should be billable hours.

I initially entered this space with high hopes of monetizing our platform to free me from the barriers of a traditional job and to fund our more lofty goals for our homestead property. I have been incredibly inspired by the many influencers I have seen quit very well paying full time jobs to pursue their passions and share them with the world at large. I believe with enough dedication, creativity, and consistency anybody can make this a reality for themselves. And while we have quite a ways to go before I am able to call this my full time occupation we have been fortunate enough to receive several paid partnerships from some well known brands all by our visibility on the platform. I am definitely no expert but I would love to share a few techniques that have helped us bring in income from our page.

I wanted to start by sharing that we did have a ton of help when we first entered the instagram scene because our page was shared by a few big name accounts which drove our follower count up practically overnight. Having a huge following isn’t exactly a necessity when it comes to securing partnerships but maintaining at least 1k – 5k with high engagement from your audience will help convince brands to pair with you. Follower count is one of the things brands look for in terms of KPI (key performance indicators) and falls into the engagement category which in my short experience is what most partnerships are interested in. At the end of the day you have to remember that whomever you’re partnering with is a business and their ultimate goal is to get as many eyes and buys on their products as possible. So monitoring and maintaining your engagement with your audience is really of major importance, use your professional dashboard on Instagram to your advantage.

If you haven’t already change your account label to either a business or creator account, that way you have access to all the tracking tools Instagram already provides. There are also a number of apps you can use to track engagement, for me personally I rely heavily on my professional dashboard. Keeping your audience engaged is really a matter of consistency and authenticity in my opinion. You don’t have to follow every trend or use the same popular sounds as everyone else because that isn’t what drew your audience in in the first place. Remaining as true to yourself as possible regardless of what’s popular will always land you with a group of loyal followers because they are interested in you! To keep them interested be consistent, I know that coming up with new content everyday can be difficult but the way these apps are set up is you will disappear if you do not post. Beating the algorithm is hard enough so remember to check in with your audience and use all the features to make things easier, you don’t have to post on your profile grid everyday you can just pop in on your story to give folks a quick update on the goings on of your life.

Having brands reach out to you is absolutely wonderful but at a certain point you are going to have to put in some work to secure partnerships. My ultimate advice is to reach out to brands that you already support so that you are familiar with the company and product. A lot of blogs will provide you with a template that you can copy/paste once you’re ready to make contact but I find its in your best interest to form personalized emails for every company you reach out to. Explain to them what you love about their brand and how you feel it aligns with yours, mention products that you have used and of course talk about how your audience values your insight. You don’t want your page to be full of ads that don’t align with your original message because it will cause your follower count to drop so be discerning when connecting with brands.

Have a media kit ready to share with whatever company you reach out to, there are several templates on Canva that you can use to create one. Media kits are important because it is essentially a one page visual aid representing your major key performance indicators. You want to keep it clean and simple so its easily digestible and showcases you as a professional. Don’t be afraid of putting your rate right on the front page of your media kit, brands want to know upfront what you charge so be sure you have that figured out before you begin reaching out to companies.

Rates can be tricky but honestly go high because there is nothing worse than selling yourself short. The brands more often then not will accept but sometimes there is negotiating involved, don’t let that discourage you though. The more you practice the better you’ll get at securing the rate you want. Often times brands are represented by the same media company so even if you didn’t get the rate you hoped for taking the job might ultimately land you more work. Remain professional and on top of your game and I promise you’ll be monetizing your content in no time flat.

I really hope this was helpful and know that if you have any questions I would be more than happy to provide you with my limited but useful insight.

Thanksgiving Leftover Pot Pie Recipe

Hey y’all,

Dakarai and I hosted our first ever Thanksgiving this year and it was a roaring success. With seventeen members of our families in attendance, each bringing their own contribution, you can imagine the abundance of food that was present. While most dishes were gone before the end of the night we found ourselves with more turkey than we could handle even after scarfing down a few dozen turkey sandwiches over the weekend. So in the spirit of zero waste I scoured the internet for suggestions on what to do with leftover turkey and came across pot pie!

I am such a huge fan of the dish but have never attempted to make it myself until last night. I grew up eating the frozen banquet pot pies that come in that little red box and always thought they were so tasty even if the meat appeared questionable, haha. But after making my own I’m not sure I can ever go back to banquet pot pies again. Although the recipe is a bit time consuming it is worth every bit of effort, so without further ado my recipe for Thanksgiving Leftover Pot Pie! I really hope you give this one a try….

Ingredients

2 cups frozen peas and carrots

1/2 cubed golden potatoes

1/2 cup diced onion

1/4 cup unsalted butter

1/4 cup all purpose flour

1 TBSP black pepper

1/2 TBSP kosher salt

1 TBSP cumin

1 TBSP coriander

1/2 tsp rosemary

1 cup stock (chicken or vegetable)

2/3 cup heavy cream

1/4 cup whole milk

2 cups cubed cooked turkey meat

4 9inch unbaked pie crusts (2 for crusts and 2 for tops of pies)

Directions

Step 1: Preheat an oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C).

Step 2: Place the peas + carrots, and potatoes into a saucepan; cover with water, bring to a boil, and simmer over medium-low heat until the vegetables are tender, about 8 minutes. Drain the vegetables in a colander set in the sink, and set aside.

Step 3: Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat, and cook the onion until translucent, about 5 minutes. Stir in 1/4 cup of flour, salt, black pepper, cumin, coriander, and rosemary seasoning; slowly whisk in the chicken broth, heavy cream, and milk until the mixture comes to a simmer and thickens. Remove from heat; stir the cooked vegetables and turkey meat into the filling until well combined.

Step 4: Fit 2 pie crusts into the bottom of 2 9-inch pie dishes. Spoon half the filling into each pie crust, then top each pie with another crust. Pinch and roll the top and bottom crusts together at the edge of each pie to seal, and cut several small slits into the top of the pies with a sharp knife to release steam.

Step 5: Bake in the preheated oven until the crusts are golden brown and the filling is bubbly, 40 to 45 minutes. If the crusts are browning too quickly, cover the pies with aluminum foil after about 15 minutes. Cool for 10 minutes before serving.

Tips:

Combine the seasonings and flour together in a bowl before adding them to the butter and onions

Combine the stock, heavy cream, and whole milk together before adding them to the flour mixture

Allow your pie crusts to sit out at room temperature 15-20 mins before use for maximum ease

Enjoy!

Beating the Bank: A Beginners Guide to Personal Finance

Money, it’s a touchy subject, and finances in any sense (or cents, haha) can be difficult to grasp for a plethora of reasons. It took me a long time to understand that a credit score wasn’t something that just happened and even longer to make myself accountable to that proverbial number hanging over my head. Crazy how a magic little number can be the difference between experiencing a major “adult” milestone or being jettison back into adolescence. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way to help you avoid the latter.

Ignore Boys, Not Your Bills…

In my opinion, the biggest hurdle I had to jump over was my embarrassing lack of knowledge and the sheer willpower I exerted to maintain that ignorance for several years. I would get credit cards and disregard the monthly payment as if it were optional which naturally got me into some trouble. I racked up a massive amount of credit card debt within my first year, so much so that I couldn’t get another one, or a loan, or a lease, or an apartment for years. My point is to pay your bills and pay them on time, it seems like a simple concept but so many of us falter on this basic step. If you have the means it is always best to pay above your minimum to stay one step ahead.

Organize, Organize, Organize…

It might seem OD but I have a spreadsheet for my credit card bills equipped with a formula that tracks my overall credit utilization. The goal is to use 30% of your available credit in order to achieve a higher credit score. I have payment dates, auto-pay dates, amounts, and accounts all neatly tucked into one place that I update monthly. It helps to keep me on track and in control of remaining balances, as well as my available credit. You can view a copy by clicking here. If you don’t understand the formula bit just reach out and I’ll be happy to talk you through it.

Get On The Phone And Talk…

I know phone calls may seem like a thing of the past but when it comes down to it speaking to someone will save you $$$ in the long run. If there’s a fee on my debit card 10 times out of 10 I am calling up the bank and asking for a refund with persistent. It might make you feel out of sorts to pester but this is your money and the banks (employees included) are not your friends. You don’t have to go in guns blazing you can be polite they usually are quite accommodating. If you find that you’ve used up “your refunds for the quarter” or whatever it is they say you can always throw a hardship in there for good measure. If it seems a little dishonest well that’s because it is but cmon this is capitalist America, right?

And Talk Some More…

In addition to calling my banks on their bs, I call every single one of my credit cards about every six months to lower my APR rates. APR rates are those pesky little percentages you see at the bottom of your credit agreement when you first sign up for a new account. They may seem harmless but they are anything but, that’s the price you’re paying for borrowing money. And while it may say annual it’s actually taxed onto your account each month if it’s not paid off in full, increasing your remaining balance.

Late on your credit card payment and now you have a fee on top of your minimum payment? Well, dust off your yt people voice its time to make another phone call to your creditors. This one isn’t that bad I’ve found that if you’re generally an on-time client the credit card companies will have mercy on you and waive the late fee. They’ll also remove the late payment from your statement which will keep your account in good standing when it’s time to check your credit report score.

Get Added To An Account…

Add yourself to an account of a RESPONSIBLE person with their permission, of course, no scamming guys. But in all seriousness, a great way to boost your credit score is to ask someone you’re close with to add you as a secondary on an existing account. It doesn’t mean you need a card or access to any part of their credit account you just need your name added. That way every time they make an on-time payment or receive a credit increase your score benefits in addition to their own. It really doesn’t have any benefits for the account holder besides the fact that they would be helping someone else out.

Ask Your Mom…

I’m not going to lie although I had to experience these things myself in order for it to really sink in, my mom told me all this when I was just a teen. She showed me her spreadsheets and told me about paying over the minimum but I didn’t listen as kids do. My mom has excellent money skills and it shows as she is able to do practically anything she wants all by herself. She kept our household together and held down the fine details of the finances entirely because my dad is well …… a little forgetful and a lot of skeptical when it comes to bills and banks. He refused to get a bank account for IDK how long and kept all his money in random wads around the house. Anyways maybe your dad is the financial finesser or your grandma or your aunty Shena, my point is to talk to your elders they have a wealth of experience and knowledge you can learn from. All you have to do is listen.